Death By Reality Television.

Okay, so, I'm not really depressed. I'm actually far from it, but any excuse I have to make a pouty face, I'll take it. I do have a lot on my mind though, and I have not really had a good night's sleep in several days. I'm not complaining as they've been great nights, there's just been no sleeping. I think the exhaustion of going going going, along with the excessive (excessive for me) drinking, has finally caught up with me. But now with a good six hours of sitting, resting, reading, munching, and television watching under my belt, I am ready to go non-stop for another week.

I've decided a few things today, while sitting on my lazy keister. I've decided I know nothing about dating; I don't know how to do it, and it scares the hell out of me. I've decided that unless you are going somewhere fabulous, a week and a half off from work is really unnecessary. I've also decided that I still am not where I belong. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not where I belong. I need to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

I read the first 40 pages of Into the Wild this morning. It made me cry. I want to leave life as I know it sometimes. Actually, I want to disappear a lot of the time. There is this fire of exploration and discovery that burns inside of me, and its embers are red hot inside my soul! I want to see every part of the world and bathe in it's beauty. I want to meet people, and learn from them. I want to be surrounded by the dangers that lurk in the shadows of the most remote locations, and then bask in the serenity of the most picturesque settings. I want no possessions. I want to explore not only the world, but have the freedom, time and space to explore my self. Not myself, but my "self," that innermost part of my being. I am wondering if I should've left when I originally planned on going. I don't regret anything thus far in my life, but I fear that if I never go, that would be the one thing in my life that would make me saddened on my death bed.

On a completely different note, I'd like to use the word "austere" more often.