It's "Bean" A Long Time (Wink, Wink)!

Happy Saturday!

My Progressive Dinner

The Day She Fell In Love With Jake...

Merry Christmas Everyone!

California Girls

My beautiful friends, Lauren (a.k.a. Laureen) and Kaela, came into town for Christmas. We met up at Cafe Rio for lunch, and apparently we're all fans of the pork. Mmm. We talked about our future plans (yes, we all plan on being world famous hair stylists), and made fun of a few fashion transgressions happening in the restaurant. They both are so fun, and they make me laugh. I'm going to be living just four hours away from them when I move, so hopefull I'll be able to see much more of them. How about once a month? Can you commit to that, ladies?

I also went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks with the fam. Sitting on the very front row is not very pleasant. Funny, but not pleasant. Cute movie. I also happened to have a cute niece on my lap the entire time!

Goodbye, Adam

I'm not really sure what to write. All I know is that I'm sad. I dropped Adam off at the airport last night. We fought the entire time we drove. We yelled a lot, and then there was silence. He got out of the car, and walked into the airport. No kiss goodbye. I don't know when I'll see him again as I'll be gone to Arizona when he returns to Utah. Everything already feels so different. Everything is changing so quickly, and I'm not sure I like it. Part of me wants to stay here and just deal with mediocrity. I could stay here and make a life that I could be happy with, but it wouldn't be my best life. I refuse to settle anymore. It's hard to let the torture and bliss of our three year relationship fade away into an Arizona sunset. I love you, Adam. I miss you so much already, and it's only day one.

There Is No Arizona

For the past week or so, that d@#$% song by Jamie O'Neil, called "There Is No Arizona", has been playing in my head over and over. Seriously, several times daily. I was a little worried that this was the song my subconscious was choosing to sing. What if there is no Arizona? No Painted Desert? No Sedona? What if there really is no future for me there, and all of these expectations I have of my new beginning are hollow ones? What if I could fill the Grand Canyon with the lies I've told myself? I'm nine days away from the move, and with each passing day my anxiety gets a little more intense, which causes me to second guess my decision.

I did, however, have an experience yesterday that gave me a glimmer of hope. About two or three months ago, I had a dream in which I was insanely happy. It wasn't a weird dream where the people change and the plot changes constantly. It was just a simple dream, like a day out of my life. I was successful, loved, and content. I remember waking up from the dream feeling a little disappointed that I was still me and still living the life I awakened to. Well, there was a part in my dream where I looked into a dusty mirror. I would've thought nothing of it, but while I was cleaning Kacee's house yesterday, I looked up from my cleaning to see a dusty mirror. It was the exact dusty mirror I saw in my dream, with the exact hand prints, smudges, etc. I had this enormous sense of deja vu come over me, and I was reminded of my dream. I sat there for a minute in shock at the happenstance of the situation.

Did I really have a dream that foretold my future? Was this mirror my sign that I am making the right decisions in my life? Was this dream my confirmation that I am on the path leading me to my ultimate goals? It's hard to believe it, but I'd like to think that these coincidences are evidence of a happiness to come. After the whole dream replayed in my mind, and the deja vu subsided, I just smiled. A big smile. There just might be an Arizona.