There Is No Arizona

For the past week or so, that d@#$% song by Jamie O'Neil, called "There Is No Arizona", has been playing in my head over and over. Seriously, several times daily. I was a little worried that this was the song my subconscious was choosing to sing. What if there is no Arizona? No Painted Desert? No Sedona? What if there really is no future for me there, and all of these expectations I have of my new beginning are hollow ones? What if I could fill the Grand Canyon with the lies I've told myself? I'm nine days away from the move, and with each passing day my anxiety gets a little more intense, which causes me to second guess my decision.

I did, however, have an experience yesterday that gave me a glimmer of hope. About two or three months ago, I had a dream in which I was insanely happy. It wasn't a weird dream where the people change and the plot changes constantly. It was just a simple dream, like a day out of my life. I was successful, loved, and content. I remember waking up from the dream feeling a little disappointed that I was still me and still living the life I awakened to. Well, there was a part in my dream where I looked into a dusty mirror. I would've thought nothing of it, but while I was cleaning Kacee's house yesterday, I looked up from my cleaning to see a dusty mirror. It was the exact dusty mirror I saw in my dream, with the exact hand prints, smudges, etc. I had this enormous sense of deja vu come over me, and I was reminded of my dream. I sat there for a minute in shock at the happenstance of the situation.

Did I really have a dream that foretold my future? Was this mirror my sign that I am making the right decisions in my life? Was this dream my confirmation that I am on the path leading me to my ultimate goals? It's hard to believe it, but I'd like to think that these coincidences are evidence of a happiness to come. After the whole dream replayed in my mind, and the deja vu subsided, I just smiled. A big smile. There just might be an Arizona.