High As A Kite

It's been my inclination lately, to get on this thing and just post a bunch of complaints about this or that, but instead decided to wait until I had something a little more worth while to write about. I suppose if I had to assign some sort of a topic to what I want to write about today, it would be one involving the words simplicity or simple pleasures. I've had tremendous unease inside of me as it seems that everything in my life is changing at an uncomfortable pace.

Sometimes, I think a lot of people feel like life is moving at an uncontrollable speed. Sometimes, I think that we forget that we are in the driver's seat. We can yank that emergency brake at any time, and say to ourselves, "I need to slow down for a second and just be in the moment."

This week, I rode a bike for the first time in probably 10-12 years. There were no cell phones. There was no iPod. Just me and my friend, taking about our memories, warning of oncoming traffic, wheezing up inclines, and letting the sun tan our arms. The world slowed down.

I also flew kites on Sunday with my family; an activity I haven't done in nearly twenty years. I felt like kid again, playing with other kids. I didn't care about anything except getting those kites as high as they could go. I looked around at all the other people in the park experiencing the same nostalgic adventure I was experiencing: We were happy, we were inventive, we were free. It was a freedom I haven't felt in quite a long time, and it was exhilarating!

Stillness is a good thing.

Rebirth Without the Morning Sickness.

I started a new job. I got a gym pass. My nose hairs have been waxed. Bring on the summer!

Colder Than A Robin's Breast

It was a strange sight to me to look out my window yesterday and see a lone robin standing in the road, with millions of snowflakes falling all around him. Robins are the quintessential symbol of spring and there should be no snow after the robin arrives. While Utah is getting much needed moisture, I feel as though Utah has seen a generous winter. It is now time for the birds to start chirping, the flowers to start blooming, and the sun to start tanning my hide.

It is not the weather that is gloomy, but rather my attitude towards the weather, I know.

The Original Gangstas.

Four years have spanned in between these two photos. (May 2004-February 2008) This was going to be a short blog. My intention was to comment on how much we've changed physically, stylistically, fashionably; but, I suddenly realize that so much more progression has taken place than hair color and a keener fashion sense.

Looking back on our Original Gangsta epoch, I smile. I want sigh. I want to laugh. I want to cry a little, too. We've all seen so much change. And with that change, though it may have been difficult, came much growth.

I just have to tell you two, how much I appreciate our trio. Whenever one of us needs something, the other two rally together and rush to the aid of our fallen comrade. Whenever a burden was too heavy to carry -an ending relationship, a burdensome secret, or a simple consequence -we have always been able to count on the others to help us carry it until we were strong. It's a very refreshing feeling to know that every once in a while a friendship comes along that really will never end. I love you two very much individually, and as a combination, I can't help but feel we're invincible!

It's Friday, And All Is Well.

"I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?" -Ronnie Shakes

Counting Sheep Doesn't Work.

It's nearly four in the morning. I can't sleep. Something inside of me feels uneasy and unsettled. I don't know what it is, but it's making me sick to my stomach. I want to cry, but I don't have a reason to do so. I've never had insomnia this bad.

I met a man tonight that said he thinks about putting a gun in his mouth everyday. I can't stop thinking about that. The whole conversation/situation makes me sad. How do you take that kind of pain away from someone? I saw so much torture in his eyes when he told me, and all I did was tell him not to say such a horrible thing. Now, I wish I had said ten thousand different things to him. More guilt.

Guilt. That is why I am awake tonight. It all makes perfect sense. I hate myself because of the guilt I carry. I feel guilty for a hundred different things. I feel guilty that I hurt people I love (I'm sorry, Mom). I feel guilty that I waste so much time. I feel guilty that I am not a better human being. But most of all, I feel guilty that I let so many people down.

I need to be up at eight. I'd better try to go to bed again. Thanks for text messaging me, Dan. I'm glad you were awake, too.

Happy Anniversary. Thrilling.

Do you know the best selling album of all time? I'm sure you do. It's Michael Jackson's Thriller. (I knew you knew.) It has sold over 104 million records worldwide, and this month marked its 25th anniversary. In honor of the rerelease of the CD, Michael Jackson collaborated with a few artists to remake some of the Thriller classics. Akon doing "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" is amazing, and it's been repeated over and over on my iPod. So, this morning as I surfed the internet trying to get my daily dose of information, I came across a story about the Thriller anniversary on the National Public Radio website, and that led me to one of the funniest things I've seen in quite awhile. These are the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center inmates, in the Philippines, performing to "Thriller." I'm not quite sure if this is a voluntary exercise or if any of these inmates enjoy doing this, but the balding transvestite should get some sort of award for his portrayal of Michael Jackson's girlfriend. Since it's release last Wednesday, 11 million people have watched it on YouTube!

Heidi Ho.

My sweet, Heidi. I cannot tell you all -again, all three of you who frequent my blog, how influential this person has been on shaping my character. She was there for me through one of the most difficult times in my life, and if it weren't for her love, laughter, matronly care, acceptance, tolerance, (and perhaps a little of her disfunction) I would have checked out this cesspool of difficulty and trials a long time ago. I have so many fond memories of her, and looking back, they are some the most colorful memories to touch the canvas that is my life. She is my vivid reds. She is my brilliant yellows. She is my deep oranges. All those colors that make you feel warm inside.

Heidi, you introduced me to so many things. Bridget Jones. Nalgenes. Rock climbing. You taught me how to live spontaneously. You taught me how to laugh when I wanted to cry. You taught me that one (or three) can survive on twenty dollars for an entire month. You taught me the importance of writing every thought on paper. You taught me the importance of having an opinion or a cause. You taught me to persevere.

This video is for you, my dear friend. Does it bring back memories?